Hello pals! Reef the fox right here together with your weekly “Reef’s Report.” I come to you immediately not with fluff, although I’ve lots to spare, however with concern. Deep, dramatic concern.
You see, it has come to my consideration that final week, Child Isla (sure, that Isla) was invited to make an official go to to the Plantation Key Courthouse. There, she visited with new Circuit Court docket Choose James Morgan and County Court docket Choose Sharon Hamilton. That’s proper, she waltzed in like she owned the judicial system, all broad eyes and fluffy tail and proceeded to appeal the very robes of our esteemed judges. The audacity.
Now, let me make one factor completely clear: I’m not jealous. I’m bewildered. Baffled. As a result of whereas Isla was on the market gathering admiration and courtroom cuddles, I, Reef the fox, three-time winner of Greatest Native Movie star within the Better of the Higher Keys, sat uninvited in my climate-controlled sanctuary, pressured to observe the proceedings by way of secondhand Instagram tales.
I’ve questions. I’ve ideas. And most significantly, I’ve a résumé that calls for recognition. Let’s not overlook who constructed this empire. I paved the best way. I used to be the primary fox on this neighborhood to go viral, the unique face of fur-free advocacy in Monroe County. I’ve kissed infants (figuratively), posed with deputies, delighted vacationers, all from the consolation of my very unique residence. I could not depart the home, however that’s irrelevant. The purpose is: I deserve the choice to say no invites to prestigious venues.
Now, don’t get me fallacious. Isla is treasured. She’s acquired that new-fox power and the unbridled enthusiasm of somebody who hasn’t but been inconvenienced by a mat caught to her tail. However whereas she’s busy stealing hearts and rubbing noses with court docket employees, I’m over right here holding down the den, inspecting enrichment objects, sustaining my public picture, and making certain each visitor leaves with a photograph and a smile.
So to the esteemed powers that be in Monroe County: I demand justice. I demand recognition. And most significantly, I demand a ceremonial invitation to the courthouse — to not attend, heavens no — however to dramatically decline it.
As a result of on the finish of the day, I’m not only a fox. I’m the fox.
Till subsequent time, Reef, over and out!