DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ready some hand-dipped chocolate goodies and delivered them to a few women in my neighborhood.
Just a few days later, one of many women known as me to inform me she is diabetic and couldn’t eat them.
I used to be unhappy that “it’s the thought that counts” should not come into play anymore. I felt her cellphone name was impolite and pointless.
Am I being petty, or was she being impolite?
It would make me suppose twice subsequent time I attempt to be considerate. This buddy actually received’t see goodies from me once more.
GENTLE READER: Then you’ll not need to hear that this girl spent the meantime fuming over the thoughtlessness displayed in placing her well being in danger — as if, as a substitute of making an attempt to brighten her day, you had tried to force-feed her.
Miss Manners recommends saying, “I’m sorry to listen to that. Thanks for letting me know” — after which tossing the dialog within the reminiscence dustbin and, as was your plan, not repeating the gesture. That is additionally an approximation of what Miss Manners would have endorsed the woman with diabetes, had she been requested.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dad and mom determined to throw us a housewarming get together — the day after we moved our household of 5 into a brand new dwelling.
They invited some folks round city who’d recognized me as a child. In addition they invited my pals, after which requested them to ask extra folks. They usually introduced their very own snacks.
We had been cleansing the condo we had moved out of and nonetheless wanted to place up curtains and assemble beds within the new place.
The friends have been well mannered, however didn’t assist us unpack, aside from my brother, who helped me with my daughter’s mattress.
Was there a well mannered method I might have requested these sudden friends to go away so we might proceed working?
GENTLE READER: Making an attempt to elucidate to friends that, whereas it’s true they have been invited to your new dwelling, you aren’t liable for making them really feel welcome since you have been unaware an invite had been despatched is a bit like making an attempt to elucidate to the police that, though you admit to driving the getaway automobile, you had no concept your buddy meant to rob the financial institution.
Your viewers can be skeptical — if not outright hostile — and you can not depend on the individuals who know the reality to again up your story.
Miss Manners says this to encourage you to pay better consideration to your dad and mom’ plans sooner or later, in case you missed an earlier alternative to squelch this one.
By the point everybody had arrived, probably the most you can do politely was look so drained and overwhelmed that the friends decamped voluntarily — or pitched in.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I usually hear somebody say one thing alongside the strains of “We politely ask that you simply chorus from …” or “We politely decline to just accept …”
Foolish query, however this doesn’t make sense to me: In case you’re asking or doing one thing politely, do you have to truly say you might be doing that factor politely?
GENTLE READER: The right type is, “We respectfully ask (or decline),” which Miss Manners would usually agree is foolish, besides that it isn’t straightforward to convey respect in only a few phrases.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.